Never Let Me Go
by Oliviet
Summary: Prediction one shot for 5x21, Still. Contains spoilers. But even with her eyes locked on the ground instead of searching for their suspect, she doesn't notice its presence. She doesn't notice until her boot lands on it and a sharp click resonates throughout the still night air.


_And it's peaceful in the deep, cause either way you cannot breathe,  
No need to pray, no need to speak now I am under, oh.  
And it's breaking over me,  
A thousand miles down to the sea bed,  
Found the place to rest my head._

_Never let me go, never let me go._

* * *

She was being careful. They'd been warned that this place was an old mine field so she was watching every step she took as she and Castle searched for their suspect. She was watching his steps too; her fierce need to protect him taking over. But even with her eyes locked on the ground instead of searching for their suspect, she doesn't notice its presence. She doesn't notice until her boot lands on it and a sharp click resonates throughout the still night air.

Kate freezes, her face growing ashen as the reality of what she has just done washes over her. Castle, too, has stopped dead in his tracks, slowly turning to face her with the same terrified expression on his face.

"Don't move," he cautions.

"Wasn't planning on it."

* * *

The bomb squad had tried to make Castle leave, but he had refused. There was no way in hell he was leaving Kate alone out here. He looks over at her. She's shaking and her eyes are closed as she attempts to control her breathing. He has to calm her down before her foot slips.

"You know, looking back, I think you fell for me first."

Kate's eyes snap open and she stares at him incredulously. Maybe his plan to distract her wasn't going to work after all.

"What did you just say?" she asks him.

"You fell for me first," he states simply, a smirk gracing his lips.

She narrows her eyes at him. "You really want to talk about this, _now_?"

"No time like the present," Castle shrugs.

Her shoulders seem to soften then, like she realizes what he's trying to do. "There's no way I fell for you before you fell for me."

"Oh but Detective, that's where you're wrong. You have been shamelessly teasing me since day one. I've always been irresistible to you."

Kate crosses her arms over her chest, a small smile forming at the corners of her mouth. "I do recall resisting for you for nearly five years, Mr. Castle."

"Yes, but then you just couldn't take it anymore and showed up on my doorstep soaking wet and practically jumped me."

"I don't remember you putting up much of a protest that night."

"Like I could ever say no to you…"

She laughs. "Is this you admitting it then?"

"I wait what? No! Okay let's recap. You walked away after that first case assuring me that I had no idea what I was missing."

Kate scoffs. "Because you'd been hitting on me all week, Castle. It's only fair that I got a word in too."

"So you _were_ attracted to me from the beginning."

"I never said that."

"Oh come on, Beckett," Castle starts, reaching out to teasingly stroke her cheek. "Are you trying to tell me that you've never had a fantasy about me?"

"I never said that either."

He visibly gulps at her admission. "You…you fantasized about me?"

Kate hums, licking her lower lip. "Once or twice."

"And have I lived up to that fantasy?"

"You've exceeded it."

Castle smiles, moving closer to her, but she pushes him away.

"I don't want you stepping on it too," she whispers. "I have no idea how big it is."

He nods, reaching out to take her hand instead. She squeezes back hard, closing her eyes again, trying to re-swallow her fear.

"So these fantasies," Castle starts back up again. "How early did they start?"

"After you'd already fallen for me, I'm sure," she sighs, squeezing his hand even harder. "You wanted me to spend the summer in the Hamptons with you after just two years."

"As friends!"

She huffs, rolling her eyes. "Yeah right. Like you and Gina spent all summer _just being friends_."

He recognizes that tone. It was the same tone she'd used when talking about Sophia. "You're jealous."

"Of your ex-wife? I don't think so."

"No, no you are. I can hear it in your voice. You're upset that I took Gina that summer and you're still harboring feelings about it."

"No, I'm not," she says, taking her hand back from him and recrossing her arms over her chest.

"Kate." She adverts her gaze to the ground. "I'm right, aren't I?"

She starts to shift her weight on to her other foot when she catches herself and stands up straight. Castle watches the flicker of fear flash across her eyes. She lets out the breath she had been holding before finally looking at him. "I led you out of the conference room because I was going to tell you that I would go with you, and then Gina showed up. But that does not mean that I fell for you first.

"You had a thing for me even back then?" Castle asks, a goofy grin forming on his face.

"No. I just…no."

"You so did," Castle laughs.

"I…why is that so funny to you? You've wanted me for just as long."

He can hear the hurt in her voice and suddenly fears that this conversation was heavier than he thought it would be when he first started it. She looks like she's about to cry.

"Kate, I – I was just trying to help. Trying to take your mind off of…all of this. I never meant –"

She shakes her head. "No, Castle it's just…I haven't been completely honest with you."

He can feel the worry forming in the pit of his stomach.

"I was going to tell you when I had the actual book to show you, but now I may never get the chance."

"Don't you dare start thinking like that," Castle chastises. He has no idea what book she's talking about, but he ignores that part of her statement and keeps going. "This is like what, the fourth bomb you've survived?"

"I haven't survived this one yet." When she says it, she looks him straight in the eyes. It makes him feel like he's going to vomit.

"Just," he shakes his head, trying to calm the worry in his throat. "Say what you were going to say."

She sighs extending her arm back out to him. He slips his fingers in between hers and watches as her thumb starts stroking the back of his hand.

"I was 22 the first time I met you. I was at one of your book signings. You signed _Hail of Bullets_ for me. I need to show you your signature and how incredibly loopy it used to be," she smiles at the memory and he feels his heart clench. "You wrote 'To Kate. May you find whatever it is that you're looking for.' See you had been trying to hit on me, which proves my argument that you have been trying to get into my pants for years, but umm I told you that I just wasn't looking for that right now. I mean that was the same day I had picked up my Blues for the first time. I was ready to start snooping into this downward spiral that was my mother's case."

"Kate –"

"Let me finish, Castle."

He squeezes her hand, telling her to go on, even though there is so much he wants to say to her right now.

"The thing is, Rick," she starts again. He's taken aback by the use of his first name. She only calls him that when she's being extremely serious. "For that last Christmas that we were all together, my mother gave me some of your books. And at the time I didn't think much of it; put them in my 'to read someday' pile. But when I lost her I felt that those books were all I had left. So I devoured them. Over and over until the spines were worn and the pages were stained with coffee. Because when I read them, I felt like I had her there with me. She loved your books, so I loved your books. I loved…you. Castle, your books, they helped me get through my mother's death."

She was crying now. So was he.

"And it's just so…poetic that you're the one who got me to reopen my mother's case, who's been there every step of the way. If you only knew how much you meant – mean to me. So you were right, Castle. I did fall for you first. Long before I was ever a blip on your radar. But you _were _the one to fall in love first, real love not fangirl love. Because I had been trying so hard to not fall for you the same way that you had fallen for me. I kept telling myself that this little…crush was because of your books and what they meant to me and in the end I was just going to be another one of your failed relationships. I didn't want to put myself through that."

She wipes at her eyes with her other hand.

"But I need you to know that I do love you. I love you more than I ever thought was possible. And I know, Castle, _I know _that what we have isn't like Meredith or Gina or any of the others. This relationship will only fail if…they can't figure out a way to save me. I just…I really needed you to know all of that and to apologize for not saying it sooner."

God, he just needed her to be in his arms. He needed to wrap his arms around her and tell her that everything was going to be okay. He needed her to cry into his shirt, staining it with mascara as he tangled his hands into her silky hair, all the while whispering that he loved her over and over again. Because she really doesn't believe that the bomb squad can save her. Because she's resigning herself to die today. Because he loves her and she loves him.

"Please say something," Kate whispers, her fingers tapping against his knuckles.

"You are not going to die today. I will not let that happen."

"Castle –"

"No! You have survived being shot in the chest, falling off of a building, a bomb in your apartment, you car sinking to the bottom of a river with you in it, the list just goes on and on. We have survived so much crap together, and tonight, or by now I guess this morning, when we go home _together_ this will be just another item on that list. I'm not losing you. Because you're right; you are different. You mean so much more to me than anyone else, aside from my mother and Alexis, ever has. I'm your guy. I'm your one and done. And okay yeah, it's a little early yet to be calling myself that, but you know what? Screw it. All I want to do is get you out of here, take you home, fall into bed, and not let you leave until you know exactly how much you mean to me."

Her grip on his hand was crushing.

"I love you so much, Kate."

"I love you too, Castle."

One of the men from the bomb squad approaches them. Castle half listens as he explains their plan. He's too busy praying that everything will work out just fine. The man has a large sandbag that he intends to slowly replace Kate's foot with. They would worry about disabling it once she was out of harm's way. The man asks her if she's ready and she turns to look at Castle again.

"You have to let go," she tells him.

"No," he answers, fiercely.

"Castle, think about your daughter here. Let go."

He sighs and reluctantly drops her hand, moving a few steps back when the squad man continues to stare him down. Kate nods and the man slowly starts to slide the sandbag behind her foot. She inches forward, her shoulders trembling with fear again. Then she pauses, waiting. The air is as still as it has been all night.

"Okay, here's what I'm going to do," the man tells her. "I'm going to shove this bag forward and then _everyone_," he looks pointedly at Castle, "is going to sprint away from here as far and as fast as they can. Got it?" They both nod. "All right on three on my count. One. Two. Three!"

Castle blindly takes off in the opposite direction, thankful that the bomb squad has already given the rest of the area an all clear for any other hidden land mines. But then he hears the bang of the explosion, and the force of it knocks him to the ground.

"Kate!"

All he can see is smoke and flames. All he can hear is the ringing in his ears.

"Kate!"

He will keep screaming her name until he finds her, even after his voice grows hoarse. Castle pushes himself up, wincing as his shoulder groans in protest. He wants to run to her but he has no idea which direction she took off in, or if she even took off. No, he couldn't think like that. She was out there somewhere and she was safe. Maybe she was just unconscious or her ears were ringing too and the smoke really wasn't helping either.

"Kate!"

He thinks he hears her call his name back, but he can't be sure that it isn't just his mind playing tricks on him. So he stands perfectly still and waits for the smoke to let up a bit. The ringing in his ears starts to die down and then he hears it loud and clear.

"Castle!"

"Kate!"

He sees her form in the distance and runs to her. When she notices him, she takes off too. They collide into each other in an embrace that's so powerful they almost pull each other to the ground. Her face is buried in his neck and he can smell the smoke fused into the cherry scent of her hair.

"Thank God," Castle mumbles over and over again as he kisses her anywhere his lips can touch. "I was so worried that I'd lost you."

Her arms tighten around his torso as she tilts her head up to capture his lips with hers. When Castle, regretfully, breaks the kiss, he rests his forehead against hers and nudges her nose with his own. She's still shaking in his arms and her crying hasn't stopped either. He cups her face in his hands.

"Let's go home. You can show me that book with my loopy signature."

She smiles, nodding, before burying her face into his shirt once more.

"Castle?" she mumbles against his skin.

"Hmm?"

"Thank you for not leaving me today."

"Always."

* * *

AN: So I know everyone is probably writing one shots for this, but I just had to add my two cents as well. Thanks for taking the time to read mine. I will also check my e-mail every five minutes for reviews because I'm a bit obsessed with them, so if you want to, you know what to do...


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